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When I lost my mum to cancer, I tried to fill that emotional void with alcohol. I tried to eliminate the pain with drugs. I tried to forget my sadness with chaos. I tried to escape reality with debauchery.
Sadly, no amount of drink or drugs helped. In fact, they just made the pain and sadness worse. Self-medication stunted my emotional growth. I was doing myself so much more damage.
Loss is extremely difficult to deal with, especially if the one you’ve lost was significant. But numbing the pain with booze or trying to escape it with drugs won’t help you. Trust me.
“The drugs don’t work, they just make you worse.” - The Verve
Get out of your own way
I read a Bible quote the other day about dealing with loss. I thought it was quite fitting given what I just shared above. Because it was getting out of my own way and giving back that helped me.
“He comforts us every time we have trouble so that when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.” - 2 Corinthians 1:4 ERV
When I was lost in self-pity and thinking only about myself, alcohol and drugs became my friends. Loneliness, self-sabotage and darkness joined the team. I didn’t think about anyone else.
I was in pain. I was sad. But I was selfish. I didn’t think about how the loss of my mum had affected those who also loved her. I was only concerned with healing my wounds with booze.
It wasn’t until I got sober that I started truly speaking, listening, loving and comforting those who had experienced loss. In most cases, the same loss as me. I was present for them.
When you actively seek to help others, you end up helping yourself. You stop yourself from reverting inwards and actively step outside yourself. You get out of your own way and allow healing.
Sobriety heals
I’ve lost a lot of people since getting sober but I’ve been able to cope because of my sobriety. If I was still drinking, I would have drowned in the darkness.
If you suffer a significant loss, don’t lose yourself to addiction. There’s no help at the bottom of a bottle. No comfort in cocaine. No relief in pills. Sobriety will help you heal.
Seek strength in sobriety, comfort in your support network and celebrate the life of your lost loved one instead of diving into darkness. Pour time into helping others. Don’t isolate yourself.
Speaking from (painful) experience, I don’t want you to self-medícate to cope. I want you to remember the person you’ve lost and not lose your precious memory of them to cheap drugs and drinks.
When you lose some you, my advice is:
Don’t self-medicate
Get out of your own way
Comfort others
Don't get lost in yourself
Celebrate their life
Seek professional help if the pain is too much
The grieving process can be a difficult one but self-medicating will not help. It will make things worse. It will prolong the pain and it will stop you celebrating the life that your loved one lived.
Thank you for reading: “Self-Medicating Doesn’t Soothe.”
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Check out the last post: “Multiply Your Minute.”
Take care,
Roscoe
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