Honest Assessment
Future of Birth of Clarity
Welcome back!
I’m taking a much-needed break from Twitter to reevaluate my relationship with social media and the Birth of Clarity brand.
Those of you who are regular readers of this newsletter will know that I’ve been talking about taking a step back from the social media side of BoC for a while.
Well, I finally pulled the trigger last week as I continue to question my purpose in life following the death of my Grandad.
His loss has had a profound effect on me. Much more than I thought if I’m honest.
I “attended” his funeral a couple of days ago, watching it from behind this very computer screen, missing out on the in-person retelling of stories of his life from family and friends.
It was difficult, to say the least.
My Dad spoke at the live-streamed event, giving a fitting send-off to a wonderful man. And listening to him speak about the impact his Father had had on his life, the love he had for his family and the accomplishments & legacy that will live on now his soul has transcended this world, made me question everything about my own life.
Twitter was a small thing that had been bothering me, nothing major in the grand scheme of things but an easy win in the fight to get my life “back on track”.
Eliminating something that wasn’t adding any real value to my life was a positive step. Funnily enough, I had been using social media less and less over the last year but it was still there, lingering in the background like an unwelcome guest at a party.
I had to admit to myself that I had been wasting my time with the account. Some people find value in the content I put out on it, which is great, but aside from talking to the few friends I’ve made on there, I’ve really just been wasting my time.
Questions
Am I making money from the account? No.
Am I enhancing my writing from the account? No.
Am I making deep connections from the account? No.
Am I enjoying anything positive from the account? No.
This is a harsh reality for me because, at some point, you could argue that the answer to all those questions was Yes, but sadly, that just isn’t the case anymore.
Sometimes subtracting these types of things from our lives can add a lot more value to them.
The loss of my Grandad has really sparked the start of a long avoided talk with myself.
I have had to admit that I’ve been wasting my time on a lot of things. Things that just aren’t serving me any good. Things that have become detrimental to my life. Things that have pushed me from my path to reach my full potential and have perverted my pursuit of peace and purpose.
So, the removal of Twitter for the time being, or for the long-term, may not seem like a big deal to some, but the fact that the penny has dropped and I’m thinking clearly about changes I need to make is a small step on the road to something much bigger.
What small steps could you take to get your life “back on track”?
Now obviously, my work isn’t done. I’ve questioned a lot since I last wrote to you wonderful readers.
One question I keep returning to is: What are you doing with Birth of Clarity?
Honestly, the answer is; I don’t really know.
Honest Assessment
I know I love writing but I also need to start living more in order to write about new things. I have lost my sense of wonder, excitement and adventure, and maybe that comes across in my writing.
BoC has always been my way of helping people through sharing my honest experiences, and also for me to try to help myself. But I feel I’ve not been doing enough self-improvement work to justify the things I write about or want to write about.
Sometimes I know the best things for others but don’t necessarily sign up for those things myself. I’ve spoken about my self-destructive nature before and it’s still relevant today - however, this is something I desperately want to change.
I've still got too many demons to be preaching certain areas of self-improvement. However, I'd be doing you a disservice by not mentioning them as they are helpful, and even if I'm not doing them now, doesn't mean I haven't experienced great results with them previously.
Positivity
I’m not sure that positivity is something that comes naturally to me.
In fact, I know it’s not.
It’s something that I need to work hard at and consciously remember.
As loyal readers of this newsletter know, I tend to cover some darker subjects. No, I’m not talking about the occult, or satanism, or anything like that. But I do try to highlight when I’m feeling down.
I’ve spoken in the past about suicidal thoughts. I’ve tried to relate back to the feelings of pain, emptiness and darkness of my drinking days, in order to iterate that overcoming these things are possible.
However, I know from my own experiences of AA, it is not always good to focus on the things that you’re trying to overcome. Constantly reminding yourself that you’re stuck in the muddy, murky waters of misery and writing about negative subjects, despite trying to always shine a light on the ways out, is not always the healthier option for our energy and soul.
I sometimes wonder if talking about these things weighs heavier on me than I give them credit for. Of course, I’m trying to raise awareness with what I write so that whoever is reading can relate, especially if they are struggling. But I wonder at what cost to me.
Now, this isn’t a post about me because, in reality, this can be something that many can relate to.
You are what you repeat.
Keep calling yourself a loser and you'll keep being a loser.
Keep calling yourself a drunk and you'll keep being a drunk.
Keep calling yourself a fatty and you'll keep being a fatty.
The only way this stops becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy is by using them as fuel to change and then eliminate them from your mind.
For me, I need to start repeating things that are positive and this relates back to the opening of this newsletter. I need to stop repeating negative behaviours and things that aren’t working for me - Twitter, Birth of Clarity (?) - and instead promote positivity that will enrich my soul and lift up those around me.
I need to focus on the things that will ultimately bring me more joy, happiness, peace, hope and love.
You should do the same.
As the future of Birth of Clarity hangs in the balance as I try to navigate transitional events in my life, the loss of important people to me, my sobriety journey and my life as a father, I hope that you’ve been able to take something from this, and previous newsletters, and apply them to your own life or use them to question where you are at.
Thank you for reading “Honest Assessment”.
Check out the previous newsletter; “Purpose Vs Pleasure”.
Take care,
Roscoe
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I think your self assessment was honest. I think if you want to become a writer then just write more. I think you could do something like James Clear. Who built his readership via email and Medium. You have good stuff. Keep at it.