Chaos And Clarity
Welcome back!
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to check in on me and ask about the future of this newsletter.
For those that have been with me for a while, you can see I’ve tweaked a few things.
In the last edition, I talked about one painful paradox this addict suffered, however, there is also another I still experience on a daily basis:
Chaos and clarity.
This is something that I still struggle with. Some of you may relate.
The dark and light. The negatives and the positives of life. Decisions, habits and behaviours. Ups and downs. Ebbs and flows.
I am my own worst enemy.
I'm sure a few of you can relate to this statement.
One step forward, two steps back seems to be my current trajectory.
No longing will alcohol pass these lips or cocaine enter these nostrils because it appears I have two greater battles on my hands.
Self-sabotage and self-destruction are my addictions.
These addictions that destroy people’s progress have become the most prominent war I find myself engaged in.
However, I experience sustained periods of winning the battle when I am blessed with clarity, lightness and positivity. I can counterbalance my self-sabotage and self-destruction with my inner strength, nature and surrounding myself with a supportive tribe, but I still haven’t won the war.
Paradox
A lot of people write to me to say that they have found the newsletter very helpful. Then a few people ask whether I'm okay within myself.
I think that's because I write about the raw emotions I'm feeling at that moment and because I speak honestly about things people may not want to hear. To a lot of people, this can come across as “dark” and sometimes when I'm talking about suicidal thoughts or that sort of thing, it can come across as chaotic.
I totally get it. That’s why I’ve decided to change things up a little.
I've talked about the future of the newsletter before and I’ve elaborated on my social media dilemma. A lot of people reached out to me to say that they didn't want me to stop the Twitter account because they find the content useful, same with the newsletter.
So, I’ve continued to the Twitter account, updating it with alcohol & drug addiction/recovery content. I'm going to continue writing the newsletter because I enjoy writing it, but I’ve decided to split it.
I am going to write separate clarity and chaos “journal entries” so that people can choose which they would rather read.
Clarity
The clarity entries will be a lot lighter. Sharing a lot more wins and positivity. Highlighting things that are working in my life and giving tips & advice on things that have worked for me along my addiction recovery journey.
Talking about the importance of nature - which rejuvenates your mind, replenishes your body & restores your soul - and encouraging readers to share their pictures of nature and how it makes them feel.
I will talk about the importance that opening up and speaking to people you trust has had, and currently has, on my state of mind.
I will share lighter stories from my life and talk about the joys of being a parent, and keep you up-to-date on upcoming projects.
I will also provide you with other resources that I have found useful - people, books, podcasts, etc - to stay positive when you’re battling the chaos.
Chaos
The chaos entries will be geared towards darker topics or topics that could be viewed as negative.
I regularly open up and speak honestly about certain subjects that people wouldn’t necessarily share but I feel they are important.
However, I want to be careful about the content I put out because I believe it does have an effect on the subconscious.
These entries will touch upon subjects regarding the feelings, emotions and behavioural habits of addiction and recovery from someone who has been there and done that.
I will open up about loss and how it makes you feel. How I didn’t cope with loss very well when I was drinking and drugging.
I will share stories of the chaos of addiction. I will also open up about the difficulties I still struggle with and the wars I’m still fighting.
Conclusion
As always, I will be honest with you.
The clarity journal entries will continue to go out into your inbox, and out into the world, for free. I believe it is important to spread positivity and the lighter side of life in order to show people that recovery from addiction is possible and that the world is an amazing place.
To counterbalance this, in light of reviewing some of my previous newsletters, I’ve decided to release the chaos journal entries for subscribers only.
Although I always try to offer a positive spin on each article I write, some of the raw feelings and emotions I’ve experienced during and after addiction aren’t what I want to be putting out there for everyone to read. I want to reserve them for people that truly want to read them or can relate to the struggles and the chaos - to let them know they are not alone. I want to form a community that can help each other through their struggles by relating to the feelings and emotions that I am writing about.
I am under no illusion that I may not get anyone reading the chaos entries but for me, they are important to write. Writing is a way of releasing the thoughts from my head and for those that read them, they usually can relate in some way and appreciate the honesty. These articles usually get the best response.
I just don’t feel comfortable anymore saying the things I do and having them so readily available for everyone to read as I know some of the subjects and content are a lot heavier than when I write about clarity, positivity and mindset.
Anyway, I hope you stick with me and continue to get value from my writing, whichever option you choose to read.
I've got some exciting things in the works with a few extra additions coming soon.
I appreciate all the loyalty you’ve shown me, the kind support and the coffees people have bought me.
Thank you for reading “Chaos And Clarity”.
And welcome to The Chaos And Clarity Journals.
Check out the previous newsletter; “Painful Paradox And Moral Flexibility”.
Also, a big thank you to Mark and Tom for buying me a coffee, much appreciated 🙏
Take care,
Roscoe
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