Addiction Attachments
The Links We Form During Our Drinking Days
Welcome back!
Recently, I’ve been revisiting music I used to enjoy during my drinking days.
You see, for a long time in my early sobriety, I struggled to listen to things that would spin me into a state of frenzy and have me longing for my partying days or that brought me down and reminded me of something sad that I’d associated with a specific song.
I’ve heard this mentioned a lot among people who have overcome addiction, especially when speaking about their early recovery. They would say that they struggled with the triggers of something such as music, as they had attached a lot of sentimental meaning to a song linked to a specific event from their past drinking.
For instance, the track “I Miss You” by Blink-182, is something I had linked to the loss of my Mum. The song isn’t lyrically significant but I spent a lot of time listening to it and getting drunk when she died - meaning that I’d attached her death to a song - so when I heard it, I wanted to drink.
These connections are strong, especially if they have been compounded over years and years.
I had many songs like this. Songs for when I was sad and wanted to drink away my sorrows and songs for when I wanted to get hyper and drink to get rowdy.
A lot of people also find it is hard to listen to music that reminds them of a favourite era from their partying days. For example, if they listen to Drum & Bass at a vulnerable place on their sobriety journey, it could transport them back to underground raves - filled with drugs, drink and dancing from dusk till dawn.
You may find that you have done this with a song, album or certain time period. But it isn’t just limited to music; all media or specific dates and occasions can have this effect too.
Even certain events can conjure up vivid images of times where alcohol or drugs appeared to heighten the occasion.
Take watching a football (soccer) match as an example.
Having beers with the boys whilst watching your favourite team play, could be viewed as something that booze heightens. The banter with your mates, the camaraderie of men together, could bring up strong emotions and have you questioning your decision to get sober.
However, all you’ve done is combine the two together and allowed them to become intertwined in your mind as things that are inseparable, when the truth is, they were never linked in the first place.
You chose to associate getting drunk or having a drink with the occasion. You could say the same about having wine with dinner.
Essentially, you’ve created an excuse to drink - the same way I did with the Blink-182 song.
In order to uncouple the two, you need to see them as singular things, which for someone in early recovery, is hard to do.
A song is a song, the reason is the reason
You may choose to do what I did and avoid specific songs, events, films, TV programmes until you feel comfortable in the fact that they will not bother you. However, this strategy might not suit everyone and may not be the best, but it worked for me.
By eliminating your drinking or drugging and tackling the reasons why you have become dependant on them, any symbiotical connection to a song, event, film, TV programme will disappear and they will remain what they are - without any heightened importance attached.
By removing their symbology, you will be able to differentiate between the two and they will be separated, leaving you to enjoy the specific songs, events, films, TV programmes - or whatever it is you’ve bonded together - without fear that it will lead you back to a drink or a drug. They will not be able to drag you back down towards the darkness and destruction because they will not hold any significance to you.
Conclusion
As with every newsletter, I’m giving you my honest views and speaking from experience, and I freely admit that I wasn’t able to listen to songs or watch certain TV shows/ films because I was not in a place to detach their meaning from the one I’d placed on them.
But you can. You can choose not to let yourself be affected by these things and instead concentrate on your sobriety without missing out on things that you once enjoyed.
For me, the things you have attached to your sadness or depressive states still may be something you want to avoid, but it is up to you. All I would say is that, make sure you’re committed to working on your recovery and do not put yourself in a position where you might relapse.
Triggers are real, so make sure you know them and avoid or deal with them.
If you need to chat about this or any subject about your recovery journey, please reach out. You can reach out to me or find yourself a meeting or get some therapy, just take action and get the help you need. Open up to someone.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of the newsletter and have followed my train of thought here. If you have any questions, hit me up.
Thank you for reading “Addiction Attachments” and also, thank you to those who read the previous newsletter; “Words Are Important”.
Take care,
Roscoe
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